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You Say You’re Codependent
A very close acquaintance of several years often
recites the phrase "the child within" when referring to her pain
and the need to overcome feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and anger,
which she claims results from being abused by an alcoholic father and
later by her alcoholic and drug addicted son. This person is also a
"Mrs. Fix-it" for miles around, cannot say no to anyone, is
easily taken advantage of, and likes to play the Garden of Eden syndrome
game. (Gen. 3:12-13) Everything that happens to her is someone else’s
fault. This individual leads a codependent group in a local church and has
begun to speak about her needs and her right to be happy. This
pursuit has become almost hedonistic in the sense that this has become the
total focus of her life.
Perhaps my friend is a lot like you. So, OK, sure, you
just gotta be you. Therefore, join right in your local twelve step group,
find that higher power, however you define it, and be happy. Heal that
child within, and fill those longings and yearnings in your soul. After
all, you’re a good person, you have needs. Those needs demand
satisfaction. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to do what
makes you feel comfortable. You have a right to be free
There’s only one problem. If no one else can meet
your needs, if nothing else seems to bring happiness into your life, what
makes you think you can? Certainly we are all imperfect! But is this
imperfection the result of faulty thinking,
lousy circumstances, such as a
dysfunctional family, sexual abuse, or your own addictions. Is it possible
that this imperfection could be the result of something else. Could it be
that in order to find what you’re looking for, you will discover that it
is what happens in you that is more important than what happens to you?
Right on, you say! That’s my sentiment exactly! Well,
OK, now at least we are able to look objectively at some basic truth. It
is not necessarily a popular truth in our day. In fact, it is not popular
to talk about this in the language of codependency, nevertheless, I must,
you see, because the way to overcoming our pain and wounds is not a
journey through our own wisdom, nor the wisdom of others. Release does not
come to us through the god of self or the religion of self-help. Likewise,
a fixation with our problems will do us no good. Healing and recovery meet
us only at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ, where our redemption,
our healing, our recovery, is already complete because of the power of His
resurrection. As the prophet Isaiah said, "He was despised and
rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. He was
despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and
carried our sorrows...he was pierced for our transgressions, he was
crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon
him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:3-5 NIV) If anyone
has ever, or will ever, "feel your pain", surely it was Jesus.
This same Jesus says, "come unto me all ye who are weary and burdened
and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28 NIV) My yoke is easy and my
burden is light. (Matt.11:30 NIV) He also says, "he came to seek and
to save those who are lost:" (Luke 3:23 KJV) And since we all have
sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) we are totally
incapable of fixing ourselves.
If you’re tired of being controlled by others, or
tired of trying to control others; if you’re looking for love and
happiness in all the wrong places; if you are pursuing health, comfort,
power or just want to be loved; then come to Jesus who laid down his life
in order that you might experience the fullness of God’s perfect love in
your heart and soul. Give Jesus your inner child. Your inner sin nature,
which separates you from God and others, will be reborn and you will no
longer be separated from the love of God. Therefore, you will be able to
love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 23:39 KJV) because you will have
finally found what your heart so long has craved.
Finally, your life will be complete and you will be
able to rise above your past, and yes, even above your present. You will
live a holy life that is being made perfect and a life that is filled with
hope and happiness. There’s only problem, and it’s really not a
problem. You’ll still be codependent, but now you will be depending on
the true higher power, not the power of your inner self. As Peter says,
"therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled; set
your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is
revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had
when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be
holy in all you do. For it is written: ‘be holy, because I am
holy.’"(I Peter 1:13-16 NIV) "For you know that it was not
with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from
the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers; but with
the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect." (vs
18-19) Through Him you believe in God who raised him from the dead and
glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God." (vs 21)
Written by Cyril G. Page
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